I thought this was pretty funny, this was from last Sunday before the primary. Me and my girlfriend (Emily) both woke up at the same time, and I told her my dream:
"I was in Pennsylvania, voting in the primary, in Danville (small town I grew up in), and when I was done voting, I gave the guy my ballot, but he didn't tear the stub off of it, and just threw the whole thing into this large open recycling-type bin. So I started protesting to him like 'what the hell are you doing?' etc, and the man couldn't understand what was wrong. I pointed out that he wasn't filing valid ballots, and additionally you could just look in the bin and see who was getting more votes. He still couldn't figure it out, so then I looked in there and said 'Look, what's to stop me, if I'm you, from saying 'hey, look, these are all for Hillary, lets toss them out, or vice-versa??' The guy and his hick co-workers were completely dumbfounded and just started packing everything up as the polls were closed by this time."
and then Emily told me hers right after:
"I was in a log cabin with Barack, there was a fireplace going and it was dimly lit, and he was in a rocking chair, and me sitting nearby in a regular chair, and I was just telling him how great I thought he was, and tearing up and crying as I told him how I thought he would really change the country."
If I may say so myself, I think we're hilarious.
Friday, April 25, 2008
Avamar Suspect
From like 3 weeks ago:
Somebody was trying to blow up our office building, but nobody knew who it was. A few days later, I was driving up on the roof of the building (because you could in my dream, it was sort of a parking lot up there, but nobody ever goes up there). Anyway, me being the curious person that I am, wanted to go check it out after work one day. So I'm driving up there, and then a bunch of other people from work drive up there also a bit later, and they spot me. They roll up next to me and Eugene is hanging out the window asking what I'm doing up here, and I said "just looking around", and he said, "what are you, looking for some roaches?" and I don't remember my response, but it was obvious that he and others thought that *I* was the bomber!
Real Life: I have gotten in trouble on a couple occasions of looking around places out of curiosity.
Somebody was trying to blow up our office building, but nobody knew who it was. A few days later, I was driving up on the roof of the building (because you could in my dream, it was sort of a parking lot up there, but nobody ever goes up there). Anyway, me being the curious person that I am, wanted to go check it out after work one day. So I'm driving up there, and then a bunch of other people from work drive up there also a bit later, and they spot me. They roll up next to me and Eugene is hanging out the window asking what I'm doing up here, and I said "just looking around", and he said, "what are you, looking for some roaches?" and I don't remember my response, but it was obvious that he and others thought that *I* was the bomber!
Real Life: I have gotten in trouble on a couple occasions of looking around places out of curiosity.
Thursday, April 24, 2008
The Writer's House
Part 1: I'm visiting a writer at his house to collect some materials from his peculiar office. The center of the room has a flat, square, white floor. Against the opposite wall from the door is a desk piled high with papers. To the left is a large, high-ceilinged area with white walls. The floor -- covered in a dark blue indoor-track-like material -- slopes up at a 45-degree angle, and there are a few large black spherical bean bags spread around. The right side has the same walls, ceiling, and carpet, but the floor is level, and about 8 feet below the place where I'm standing. In a dimly lit corner of the right area is a chair and desk, a bookshelf, and a bike. I wonder if there's a door somewhere to get to the lower level. Do you just jump down and climb back up?
Part 2: After leaving the writer's house, I'm outside at my car, which is parked at the end of a long driveway that leads up to house, a low and wide, dark wood number. The driveway is lined by shrubbery, next to which are long and narrow koi pools, fed by waterfalls coming off a ledge. I take a really long time putting stuff away in my car, opening and closing the trunk, opening and closing doors, and checking the tires. It's such a nice house, I almost don't want to leave. A lady -- presumably the writer's wife -- comes by with her dogs. We exchange pleasantries and I start playing around with one of her dogs, a caramel-colored pomeranian who is very cheerful. After some further banter with the lady, the subject matter of which is unclear, she goes back into the house.
Part 3: Suddenly, I find myself inside a bar. The walls, tables, and chairs are all wood. There is some kind of dispute going on, which is clear to me in the dream, but which I can't remember now. I am being talked to sternly at some point by some women. When I go outside, it is nighttime, and the parking lot is a sea of darkness with a few pools of light. Once my eyes adjust to the darkness, I look around and then remember that I don't know how I got to the bar, and am afraid that I've left my car at the writer's house. I hold up my key fob and start pushing the buttons and walking around. After a few tense moments, I hear my car honk and see its lights flash. A wave of relief washes over me.
Part 2: After leaving the writer's house, I'm outside at my car, which is parked at the end of a long driveway that leads up to house, a low and wide, dark wood number. The driveway is lined by shrubbery, next to which are long and narrow koi pools, fed by waterfalls coming off a ledge. I take a really long time putting stuff away in my car, opening and closing the trunk, opening and closing doors, and checking the tires. It's such a nice house, I almost don't want to leave. A lady -- presumably the writer's wife -- comes by with her dogs. We exchange pleasantries and I start playing around with one of her dogs, a caramel-colored pomeranian who is very cheerful. After some further banter with the lady, the subject matter of which is unclear, she goes back into the house.
Part 3: Suddenly, I find myself inside a bar. The walls, tables, and chairs are all wood. There is some kind of dispute going on, which is clear to me in the dream, but which I can't remember now. I am being talked to sternly at some point by some women. When I go outside, it is nighttime, and the parking lot is a sea of darkness with a few pools of light. Once my eyes adjust to the darkness, I look around and then remember that I don't know how I got to the bar, and am afraid that I've left my car at the writer's house. I hold up my key fob and start pushing the buttons and walking around. After a few tense moments, I hear my car honk and see its lights flash. A wave of relief washes over me.
Friday, April 18, 2008
Snake Catcher
Dream: I'm watching a tv show about snakes. They show a re-enactment of a snake that went into a house. They show the point of view of the snake. Somehow, the re-enactment looks like my house. I suddenly hear a hissing noise in the background. Sure enough, the snake is in my house in TN. My family starts to freak out, but I get the idea, that I really know what I'm doing. I approach the snake carefully, making sure to constantly have a moving object in its view. I grab the snake by the scruff of it's neck, and I pick it up. All I remember is the scaly feeling of it on my right arm, as it coils around it. I pick up the snake, take it outside, uncoil it from my arm, and throw it far into the field behind my house. I walk back in my house with my heart pounding in my chest. I hear a knock at the door. As I look out the door, the same snake or similar one slithers under the tight space in between the frame and the door. I seem to repeat this pattern at least three times.
Awake: I jump up in my bed checking around the floor in a half asleep haze.
Somewhat similar event: When I was like 9 or 10, my brother, cousin and I capture a mole that was jumping around from hole to hole in my uncle's backyard. We have a bucket ready at the exit/entrance of one of the holes, and we scoop him up. We take the mole inside to show our parents. We tip the bucket a bit too far forward, and the mole leaps out. In this original story, I don't chase it around. Instead my dad and uncle capture it in the bucket from the basement, and bring it back up to the kitchen. Again, the tenacious mole frees itself from the bucket, and it runs towards my mom and aunt. To save them, I pick it up bare handed, and it gnaws the inside of my thumb apart. I throw it into the basement again. This time, the mole doesn't come back up, as my dad and uncle corral him to a basement door outside.
The events were similar, as the snake and mole were lunging towards my family, and I blindly pick up the animal. This time, in my dream, the snake doesn't bite me, as I have a death grip on it's head due to fear of the animal.
Awake: I jump up in my bed checking around the floor in a half asleep haze.
Somewhat similar event: When I was like 9 or 10, my brother, cousin and I capture a mole that was jumping around from hole to hole in my uncle's backyard. We have a bucket ready at the exit/entrance of one of the holes, and we scoop him up. We take the mole inside to show our parents. We tip the bucket a bit too far forward, and the mole leaps out. In this original story, I don't chase it around. Instead my dad and uncle capture it in the bucket from the basement, and bring it back up to the kitchen. Again, the tenacious mole frees itself from the bucket, and it runs towards my mom and aunt. To save them, I pick it up bare handed, and it gnaws the inside of my thumb apart. I throw it into the basement again. This time, the mole doesn't come back up, as my dad and uncle corral him to a basement door outside.
The events were similar, as the snake and mole were lunging towards my family, and I blindly pick up the animal. This time, in my dream, the snake doesn't bite me, as I have a death grip on it's head due to fear of the animal.
Wednesday, April 9, 2008
Shoe salesman to girl dormitory wandering
First dream: I'm wandering through a mall wearing a black polo shirt, black pants, and black shoes. I wander into a super shoe store, and I'm standing on a stage of sorts (I don't know if you guys had "Just for Feet" stores around here, but it was like one of those). When I get up there to look at a shoe display, I hear booing from the shoppers, and one of the store's employees tell me to, "Get out Kohl's guy." Apparently, my outfit was a shoe salesman outfit for Kohl's. I don't shop at Kohl's, so I don't even know if they have a shoe department. Well, now I got it in my head that I need to sell shoes. I leave the store, and wander to the food court, which is setup like a carnival, but inside a mall. Somehow in the food court, is another sports store. I see a "help wanted" sign, so I apply for a tennis department position. Somewhere down the road, I remember I already have a job in my dream world at Kohl's, then during the application to the job, I remember I have a job in real life. So instead of waking up, I ask for weekends only. After my shift, I continue walking the mall, and I run into like 20+ people I went to high school with. Conversations are firing back and forth, the crowd gets bigger, and we end up eating in the food court. At one point, I run into a friend from high school that went to the same college as I did. He lives in the mall, in a really nice house. All I remember from his house were all the cool gadgets and latest electronics. As I find the bathroom, I wander by a recording studio. I ask him if I can fool around freestyling, and he and his posse start to laugh at me. I guess they figure I ain't got skills. I remember, that I had to get back home, and I leave his house. I then realize I don't have a car and I don't now where this mall is located. The dream somehow blends to the next one.
Second dream: Somehow Henry and I are wandering the halls of a girls dorm. I can't remember if we're there for Henry or me, or if we're just looking for tail. Either way, I run across another bunch of people I know, except for this time they're all women. As I go through the dorm, one girl says that this girl, Chanda is looking for me. I went to elementary school with her, and I recently started talking with her online. Either way, I end up in front of her dorm room, and I meet Arun in some common area on one of the floors. I tell him my plans, and he tags along. When I get to Chanda's room, it's like the beginning of a porno. The room is steamy, another roommate comes out in a towel, who I recognize as a friend who is currently going to USC, but is like a little siter to me. I ask if Chanda lives in the room, and Chanda hears me from the shower. She tells me to come on in. At this point Henry and Arun jab me like a hundred times in my ribs with their elbows. As I make my way to the bathroom, I wake up.
Awake: I try to go back to sleep to pick up where I left off, but my alarm goes off.
Second dream: Somehow Henry and I are wandering the halls of a girls dorm. I can't remember if we're there for Henry or me, or if we're just looking for tail. Either way, I run across another bunch of people I know, except for this time they're all women. As I go through the dorm, one girl says that this girl, Chanda is looking for me. I went to elementary school with her, and I recently started talking with her online. Either way, I end up in front of her dorm room, and I meet Arun in some common area on one of the floors. I tell him my plans, and he tags along. When I get to Chanda's room, it's like the beginning of a porno. The room is steamy, another roommate comes out in a towel, who I recognize as a friend who is currently going to USC, but is like a little siter to me. I ask if Chanda lives in the room, and Chanda hears me from the shower. She tells me to come on in. At this point Henry and Arun jab me like a hundred times in my ribs with their elbows. As I make my way to the bathroom, I wake up.
Awake: I try to go back to sleep to pick up where I left off, but my alarm goes off.
Sunday, April 6, 2008
Inaccurate Human Rights Violation
I'm watching a documentary on the Discovery Channel (or some similar channel) which features explicit recreations of events, completely uncensored. Anyway the scene is in Saudi Arabia or some bordering nation. Some offending young woman is dragged out to the desert with a hood over her head, but the rest of her is naked. She is put on all fours, and then the hood is taken off and six Arab guys take turns going around her in a circle sodomizing her. But then when the camera is zoomed into the actual penetration, I'm like "...thats not her ass, thats her..." as the re-enactment was showing standard intercourse as opposed to what they were describing.
DON'T ASK MY WHY, CAUSE I DON'T KNOW.
DON'T ASK MY WHY, CAUSE I DON'T KNOW.
Saturday, April 5, 2008
Spider Head
Backlog (4/4)
My girlfriend Emily and I live in a department store, but many of the shelves are barren. Emily finds this huge spider (like 1ft wide), and instead of being scared to death of it (as she is in reality by small ones), she thinks it's awesome. She picks it up and is saying "Babe, check out this awesome spider!!! I wanna watch it make a web." I'm pretty disgusted by the spider. She lets it go but it crawls up her leg and torso, to which she giggles. It then props itself onto her head, with legs clamped down around her head (Half-Life style). She thinks it is awesome and is like "look at me, isn't this hilarious!?" and I'm like "uhhh.. yeah.."
Then she tries to remove the spider from her head after it's there for a while. She can't get it off. She starts getting frustrated, and finally like rips it off her head, throws it, and starts screaming. There's a puddle of fluid on top of her head. It wasn't from her head, it was from the spider, but we knew it meant that the spider was preparing to get through her skull and suck her brain out.
My girlfriend Emily and I live in a department store, but many of the shelves are barren. Emily finds this huge spider (like 1ft wide), and instead of being scared to death of it (as she is in reality by small ones), she thinks it's awesome. She picks it up and is saying "Babe, check out this awesome spider!!! I wanna watch it make a web." I'm pretty disgusted by the spider. She lets it go but it crawls up her leg and torso, to which she giggles. It then props itself onto her head, with legs clamped down around her head (Half-Life style). She thinks it is awesome and is like "look at me, isn't this hilarious!?" and I'm like "uhhh.. yeah.."
Then she tries to remove the spider from her head after it's there for a while. She can't get it off. She starts getting frustrated, and finally like rips it off her head, throws it, and starts screaming. There's a puddle of fluid on top of her head. It wasn't from her head, it was from the spider, but we knew it meant that the spider was preparing to get through her skull and suck her brain out.
Beach Barry
Backlog (3/4):
I'm on a nude beach, which becomes a clothed beach, and everyone is suddenly wearing clothes, including myself.
Then I'm just laying front-down on my towel and I notice that Barack Obama is laying near me. I started talking to him, saying "Dude, I think you're gonna take the whole thing!" I don't remember exactly what he replied, but it was some sort of slightly laughing appreciative reply.
(First Obama dream)
I'm on a nude beach, which becomes a clothed beach, and everyone is suddenly wearing clothes, including myself.
Then I'm just laying front-down on my towel and I notice that Barack Obama is laying near me. I started talking to him, saying "Dude, I think you're gonna take the whole thing!" I don't remember exactly what he replied, but it was some sort of slightly laughing appreciative reply.
(First Obama dream)
Plastic Clothes Wringer
Backlog (2/4):
Steve Gomez brought to work this new USB-powered clothes wringer that he got. It expanded to a bigger size like one of those wire-frame balls, and was made entirely of thin, cheap-feeling plastic. I was trying it out in the kitchen, trying to run a wet hand-towel through it, and it wasn't working well (maybe because I didn't have it plugged into any USB there). Steve came in and started yelling at me as to what do I think I'm doing trying to feed it a hand-towel. My response was like "what CAN you run through it then?" but he just took it and left.
Steve Gomez brought to work this new USB-powered clothes wringer that he got. It expanded to a bigger size like one of those wire-frame balls, and was made entirely of thin, cheap-feeling plastic. I was trying it out in the kitchen, trying to run a wet hand-towel through it, and it wasn't working well (maybe because I didn't have it plugged into any USB there). Steve came in and started yelling at me as to what do I think I'm doing trying to feed it a hand-towel. My response was like "what CAN you run through it then?" but he just took it and left.
Toenail Waiting Room
Backlog (1/4):
Doing some Kardashian-like chick in the waiting room of a toe-nail doctor. The clinic is inside of a mall.
Doing some Kardashian-like chick in the waiting room of a toe-nail doctor. The clinic is inside of a mall.
Wednesday, April 2, 2008
Subway sandwiches
Real life: Arun, Henry and I talk about going to get Subway's $5 footlong sandwich.
Dream: I'm in line getting rushed at the Shell Subway sandwich counter, I don't remember telling my sandwich artist what I wanted. I confusedly look at Arun and Henry, who are to the left of me, if they can remember what I ordered. I then get rung up by the cashier, but I don't think I got charged $5, but more. I make a comment, but she states that I didn't choose a qualifying sandwhich. I then intend to not pay and leave without my sandwhich, but somehow I've already paid, with some change in my hand. I make the connections that something isn't right, and I wake up.
Dream: I'm in line getting rushed at the Shell Subway sandwich counter, I don't remember telling my sandwich artist what I wanted. I confusedly look at Arun and Henry, who are to the left of me, if they can remember what I ordered. I then get rung up by the cashier, but I don't think I got charged $5, but more. I make a comment, but she states that I didn't choose a qualifying sandwhich. I then intend to not pay and leave without my sandwhich, but somehow I've already paid, with some change in my hand. I make the connections that something isn't right, and I wake up.
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